well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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