There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
