I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
