Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
