I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
