He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
