Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
