I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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