remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
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We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
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Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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