Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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