Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?

(503): View more from Oregon

Succeeded.

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(404): I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life? (503): Succeeded. http://tfl.nu/i020

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(216): View more from Ohio

Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise

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(216): Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise http://tfl.nu/eify

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(251): View more from Alabama

As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"

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(251): As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic" http://tfl.nu/evdo

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(514): View more from Quebec

He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.

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(514): He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic. http://tfl.nu/4dpi

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.

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(412): Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody. http://tfl.nu/qy8l

Replies (7) Good night (878) Bad night (4832) Order T-Shirt
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.

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(570): In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that. http://tfl.nu/ifkh

Replies (20) Good night (1473) Bad night (4619) Order T-Shirt
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(443): View more from Maryland

Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.

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(443): Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that. http://tfl.nu/hvnx

Replies (11) Good night (4500) Bad night (1033)
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(330): View more from Ohio

I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.

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(330): I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage. http://tfl.nu/ny20

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(846): View more from

he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.

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(846): he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand. http://tfl.nu/15lw

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....

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(919): Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends.... http://tfl.nu/5sph

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(512): View more from Texas

In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.

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(512): In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian. http://tfl.nu/ew8b

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.

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(908): Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas. http://tfl.nu/cnc6

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(919): View more from North Carolina

my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter

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(919): my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter http://tfl.nu/13z8

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.

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(717): After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again. http://tfl.nu/ujp5

Replies (0) Good night (523) Bad night (717)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....

(1+44): View more from

The baked potato bra?

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(+44): I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered.... (1+44): The baked potato bra? http://tfl.nu/bc4d

Replies (4) Good night (452) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt

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