In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.