please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.