I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot