my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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