I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
