she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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