please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
