The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
