i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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