Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
