Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
