I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
