She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
