The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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