So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
the liver wants what the liver wants
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
That's how pantless uber rides happen
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
