im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
