I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
