Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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