we have officially lost it.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
