Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
