Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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