just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
