I need help removing her.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
