I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
