Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
