That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
