awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
