you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
