I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
