well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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