I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
