I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
