I must be too annoying 4 u.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
