I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I party with great urgency now.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
