Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
where are you?
Hypothermia
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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