when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
