Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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