My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
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Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
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So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.