Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.