If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"