I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing