Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.