i already hear my dad disowning me
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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