atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
