i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
