They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
