So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think your dad took our porno
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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