A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
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also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
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I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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