I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
