from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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