Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
