You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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